In protest of Ellen leaving, I will not watch American Idol. I began this protest 8 years ago.
Self-esteem tip: instead of calling your teeth “crooked,” think of your teeth as being “European.
— atencio
God. It feels like I’ve been stuck in this marriage forever. Oops. Did I say “marriage”? I meant traffic.
I wish Apple put more emphasis on the fact that you can make their computers talk like robots right out of the box.
Spoiler alert: I end every meeting by saying “you just got met” and punching the person in the face.
— atencio
By the way people are staring at my bow tie here in Calgary, you’d think they’d never seen a giant homo before.
I bet a burger made out of ham would be so delicious, but what would we call it?!
SUPER excited that 6 of my poems have been chosen for inclusion in “The 100 Greatest Poems of All Time (Edited by Scott Simpson)”.
Watching “The Shining” for the millionth time. Each time I watch it I pick up a new parenting tip.
Fortunately, my wife only ever asks me who I imagine in my sexual fantasies (her), not what she sounds like (Andre the Giant).
