zooropa

merlin:

“DING!”

I would buy his album(s).

(Source: disapocrypha)

I never could have made it to my sixth Twitter anniversary without the support of my wife and kids, whatever their names are.

— badbanana

Rub-a-dub-dubstep, three men in a WERGAWERGAWERGA WOOOOP WERGAGUHGUHWERGAWERGAGUH!

— luckyshirt

Relationship status: I just farted and my dog sighed.

— SamanfaPaige

Whisper it softly and it sounds like rain: “yoga pants

— secretsquirrel

If you men promise to keep the beards, us ladies will keep wearing yoga pants. Deal?

— moonracer18

I farted and I thought I was gonna poop my pants but I didn’t.” #thingsa7yearoldsays

— LoriDegenstien

Well since you ask, Danielle, tonight I’m wearing Jeff Crew and my jewelry is by Papa John’s. My jewelry was by Papa John’s.

— lonelysandwich

If you play any Tegan and Sara song backwards it sounds like Ryan Gosling singing Shakespeare into your vagina.

— dooce

Whoa—hang on, now. You’re telling me you’re a serial entrepreneur? You entrepreneuriate serially? Holy cow, this is going to be AMAZING!

— hotdogsladies