Having written up a list of the astounding number of things I have to do today, I am now free to browse and revise my old Netflix ratings.
I bet if firemen could talk they’d say, “hey everybody, please stop lighting so many things on fire all the time!
I keep working on my personal brand like the experts say to, but so far I’m not any more successful and these cows are PISSED.
— al3x
I keep boxes of Cadbury Creme Eggs in my freezer year-round and I don’t care who knows it! Related: I’m single and no one loves me.
— beeborg
Fun night everyone! Remember: plumbing industry awards next week, participation is mandatory. We do all industries.
— johnmoe
the person operating kathy ireland is definitely not passing up this opportunity to showcase his artistry.
Dear Sarah Jessica Parker: When I sent you the hair from my last 20 haircuts, I didn’t think you’d actually WEAR them! Many thanks.
When you need an extra bit of gravitas for your Best Picture intro, you go with Ryan Reynolds. No-brainer.
The only people who look in mirror and think ‘perfect!’ are Bradley Cooper, Gerard Butler and serial killers.
This is all the more special because Barbra Streisand was involved. This tweet is from 1973.
