April 2012
2 posts
“Wearing headphones at work today so I don’t have to listen to my crying.”
– @badbanana
“When my first experience with your company is an auto-retweet of a key word I...”
– @davepell
March 2012
7 posts
“Idea: cooking show starring Jack Bauer. “Why is this bread so...”
– @matthewbaldwin
“The dentist gave me an iPod full of James Taylor while he drilled my teeth. It...”
– @dwineman
“Whose job is it now at Apple to be horrified that the OS X “Send...”
– @5tu
“I just found out that my smartphone’s battery is rechargable. This is going to...”
– @matthewbaldwin
“I wonder how long you have to live in Tucson, Cincinnati, or a yurt before you...”
– @communicatrix
“Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program. Is that a thing?”
– @dmoren
“RIP veggie sandwich with mustard 3/19/2012-3/19/2012”
– @bailey
September 2011
1 post
“You mean to tell me a guy named Captain Hook loses a hand and ends up needing a...”
– @badbanana
August 2011
16 posts
“Damn alarm clock. Wakes me up every time.”
– miss_tanis
“Is there a terrible French Canadian dressing called Celine Dijon?”
– joshweller
“If your text message is too long I just assume the end of it’s about a...”
– hobohandferg
“Reinventing myself, one roll of toilet paper hung the opposite direction at a...”
– pclothespress
“I’m starting a new “deals” service. It sends u ZERO emails to...”
– abrams
“I just burped. Three people clapped. I’m just doing what I love. If that...”
– hellnope.
“My friends, love is better than anger. Let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic....”
– jianghomeshi
“HP is actually making people pay to pick up their trash. Genius.”
– PowerLlama
“One does not simply walk into Mordor. And one does not simply pop into IKEA.”
– jjg
“And when there was only one set of footprints that was when R2D2 went off in the...”
– jasonmustian
“Saw an “OPRAH DIDN’T DIE FOR YOUR SINS” shirt. To be fair,...”
– AmyJane
“Of course Bert and Ernie are not gay. I think the men with their hands inside...”
– serafinowicz
“This labor and delivery thing is hard for me, but I think it might be even...”
– youngamerican
“You were cute until you pulled out a cigarette. Then you were SSSSMOKIN’”
– Digeratii
“I bet there was at least one grammar nazi amongst the regular nazis.”
– ThatsWright
July 2011
25 posts
““Daddy I got bras today!”
“WHAT WHO BRAS YOU ARE SIX HOW...”
– luckyshirt
“I’m still angry at my parents for not buying me expensive rollerblades....”
– serafinowicz
“Someone on that bus must have forgotten to check themselves because judging by...”
– Moltz
“I keep my friends close, and my enemy’s toaster.”
– DaveSeger
“a web developer walked into a bar. But quickly left when he saw the table...”
– cun
“I bet sometimes Captain America has to call Captain Canada for help, like if he...”
– badbanana
“If your parenting advice ends with “… and I turned out just...”
– CcSteff
“I tried out Google Plus. Now I can post things to people, and also read...”
– adamisacson
“HEY BLIND MAN! Made you look.”
– jesus
“This is the CD-ROM drive, idiot. And that’s a monitor, stupid. Think you...”
– luckyshirt
“What’s the nicest way to tell someone that he oops nevermind he just died.”
– AaronNevins
“When you look back and see one set of footprints in the sand, that’s where...”
– luckyshirt
“I keep thinking “paralegal” is a barrister in a wheelchair.”
– waferbaby
“Whenever someone changes their facebook profile picture I write it down here in...”
– apelad
“If you watch NASA backwards, it’s about a space agency that has no...”
– thomasfuchs
“If you really work at it, you can convince your mom that she’s saying...”
– AlisonAgosti
“MY FEET FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS (Canadian)”
– texburgher
“My son wanted to make ice pops. I wanted him to go to bed. So we made Nyquil...”
– KenMarino
“I mixed two parts NyQuil with one part Dayquil and created TwilightQuil.
Now...”
– luckyshirt
“Some ladies like it when you whip off your boxer briefs and a scented candle...”
– fireland
“He died doing what he loved, which was clinging to life and trying not to die,...”
– badbanana
“Picking up the kids at the pool. Whoa, they’re filthy.”
– texburgher
“Today’s Don Draper emails a wiener shot to Jill in accounting, goes...”
– samhey
“Been seeing some pretty sweet cloud pics on Instagram lately. Keep up the good...”
– hellnope