“Dropped a Q-tip, but I caught it before it hit the ground. The ninja behind me said, “Whoa.” Then we high-fived.” — sween
“There’s two kinds of people in this world: People who say there are two kinds of people in the world and assholes.” — scottmcdowell
“WHO was a thirsty keyboard? YOU were a thirsty keyboard! Yes you were! YES you WERE! What a good little keyb” — biorhythmist
“Why don’t bald guys with beards just walk upside down?” — sween
“Daughter playing Super Mario Bros, her instinct is to speed run it - no interest in coins. In my day we knew the value of a dollar.” — jonathancoulton
“Whenever I see two witches making out in public I’m like, “Hey! Get a broom!” — robbaedeker
“2010 and I can still double-side a 5.25” floppy with a hole puncher on the first try.” — diveintomark
“Apple’s big press conference will introduce the magical & revolutionary EarTime, letting you speak directly into someone’s ear.” — anildash
“Explained sexting to my mom and now she wants to try it with my dad and now I’m going to kill myself in the face.” — thedayhascome
“Sometimes I put my phone on vibrate just to feel something… anything.” — sween