One does not simply walk into Mordor. And one does not simply pop into IKEA.
— jjg
And when there was only one set of footprints that was when R2D2 went off in the opposite direction and got captured by Jawas.
Saw an “OPRAH DIDN’T DIE FOR YOUR SINS” shirt. To be fair, though, Jesus never told me about those Williams-Sonoma frozen croissants.
— AmyJane
Of course Bert and Ernie are not gay. I think the men with their hands inside them might be though.
This labor and delivery thing is hard for me, but I think it might be even harder for my wife.
You were cute until you pulled out a cigarette. Then you were SSSSMOKIN’
I bet there was at least one grammar nazi amongst the regular nazis.
“Daddy I got bras today!” “WHAT WHO BRAS YOU ARE SIX HOW WHEN SPACE STATION” “What? Lizzie got gold and Jack got silver and I got bras.”
I’m still angry at my parents for not buying me expensive rollerblades. Cheapskates.
Someone on that bus must have forgotten to check themselves because judging by the smell they had, in fact, wrecked themselves.
— Moltz
