zooropa

"Wearing headphones at work today so I don’t have to listen to my crying."

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 21:34:25 -0600

“Wearing headphones at work today so I don’t have to listen to my crying.”

- @badbanana

"When my first experience with your company is an auto-retweet of a key word I typed, I think, yeah,..."

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 21:33:22 -0600

“When my first experience with your company is an auto-retweet of a key word I typed, I think, yeah, these people are cool.”

- @davepell

"Idea: cooking show starring Jack Bauer. “Why is this bread so bland?”..."

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 10:23:46 -0600

“Idea: cooking show starring Jack Bauer. “Why is this bread so bland?” “THERE’S NO THYME!!””

- @matthewbaldwin

"The dentist gave me an iPod full of James Taylor while he drilled my teeth. It worked really well! I..."

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:20:55 -0600

“The dentist gave me an iPod full of James Taylor while he drilled my teeth. It worked really well! I couldn’t hear James Taylor at all.”

- @dwineman

"Whose job is it now at Apple to be horrified that the OS X “Send Mail” sound pans..."

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 09:50:12 -0600

“Whose job is it now at Apple to be horrified that the OS X “Send Mail” sound pans left-to-right, but the window animation goes up?”

- @5tu

"I just found out that my smartphone’s battery is rechargable. This is going to save me a fortune."

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 11:11:12 -0600

“I just found out that my smartphone’s battery is rechargable. This is going to save me a fortune.”

- @matthewbaldwin

"I wonder how long you have to live in Tucson, Cincinnati, or a yurt before you can spell them from..."

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 09:32:47 -0600

“I wonder how long you have to live in Tucson, Cincinnati, or a yurt before you can spell them from memory.”

- @communicatrix

"Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program. Is that a thing?"

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 21:10:53 -0600

“Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program. Is that a thing?”

- @dmoren

"RIP veggie sandwich with mustard 3/19/2012-3/19/2012"

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 21:05:50 -0600

“RIP veggie sandwich with mustard 3/19/2012-3/19/2012”

- @bailey

"You mean to tell me a guy named Captain Hook loses a hand and ends up needing a hook? Truth is..."

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 21:05:41 -0600

“You mean to tell me a guy named Captain Hook loses a hand and ends up needing a hook? Truth is stranger than fiction, people.”

- @badbanana

jasonpermenter: Mike searched the terms white people crying for...

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 19:08:41 -0600

jasonpermenter:

Mike searched the terms white people crying for an hour on Google, then this beauty showed up on my desk.

"Damn alarm clock. Wakes me up every time."

Mon, 29 Aug 2011 10:52:13 -0600

“Damn alarm clock. Wakes me up every time.”

- miss_tanis

"Is there a terrible French Canadian dressing called Celine Dijon?"

Fri, 26 Aug 2011 16:07:56 -0600

“Is there a terrible French Canadian dressing called Celine Dijon?”

- joshweller

"If your text message is too long I just assume the end of it’s about a treasure hunting..."

Fri, 26 Aug 2011 09:47:01 -0600

“If your text message is too long I just assume the end of it’s about a treasure hunting buffalo that can operate a crossbow.”

- hobohandferg

"Reinventing myself, one roll of toilet paper hung the opposite direction at a time."

Thu, 25 Aug 2011 16:27:58 -0600

“Reinventing myself, one roll of toilet paper hung the opposite direction at a time.”

- pclothespress

"I’m starting a new “deals” service. It sends u ZERO emails to inbox, and u save..."

Thu, 25 Aug 2011 14:24:45 -0600

“I’m starting a new “deals” service. It sends u ZERO emails to inbox, and u save 100% off all the stuff u dont buy that u didn’t need anyways”

- abrams

"I just burped. Three people clapped. I’m just doing what I love. If that makes people happy,..."

Thu, 25 Aug 2011 09:05:50 -0600

“I just burped. Three people clapped. I’m just doing what I love. If that makes people happy, well, then we both win.”

- hellnope.

"My friends, love is better than anger. Let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll..."

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 14:28:19 -0600

““My friends, love is better than anger. Let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world” - Jack Layton, Aug 20, 2011”

- jianghomeshi

"HP is actually making people pay to pick up their trash. Genius."

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 08:53:27 -0600

“HP is actually making people pay to pick up their trash. Genius.”

- PowerLlama

"One does not simply walk into Mordor. And one does not simply pop into IKEA."

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 08:50:17 -0600

“One does not simply walk into Mordor. And one does not simply pop into IKEA.”

- jjg